Wonder why all your mates keep telling you about all the wonderful dates that they have been enjoying from an online dating service whilst you cannot even get a mere ‘wink’ from anyone. Then take a good hard look at your online dating profle photos and ask yourself whether you would want to respond or approach you? Bewildered? Let us give you a short, sharp reality check.
Online Dating Photos: You Are An Idiot If …
1.Can’t See Your Face
Your face is obscured with sunglasses, a motorbike helmet and the like. Are you that unpalatable that we should not want to see the goods? No. Quite. Show the people what your mama gave you. No-one wants to date a faceless wonder.
2. Cuddled Up
We do not care/ know whether that is your sister or cousin Joey. At best, it will be assumed that the person draped across you is your former partner. It does not matter how attractive they are, you will simply look like a loser. No, it does not make you more attractive that you can pull someone hot. And how do we know that the special bound between you is still not firmly in place?
3. Group Shot
Rookie mistake. If you are foolish enough to place a photo of you and your best mates who happen to be better looking than you then you have lost the race before it has even begun. Not only is it annoying (and perhaps too much work for some to click into your profile) to work out which one is you, the observer’s eye will immediately focus on the best of the bunch. If it is not you, then you are a mere click away to the next profile.
4. Your Wheels
This is more a man’s thing. So you have a motorbike? Big woo-hoo. Most women do not have the faintest interest and are already contemplating how to deal with helmet hair on a date. Got a nice car? A photo of your fancy wheels will only lead the ladies to believe that this is your best asset and not your sharp wit or whatever else you may have to offer. On the other hand, if a golddigger is what you are looking for, then go right ahead.
5. Celebrity Click
So you are a saddo who has nothing better to do than hang out at the stage doors for a mere few seconds with some numpty from some mind-numbing reality programme, huh? Nuff said.
6. Fancy Dress
The advice on many an online dating website is to stand out from the crowd but wearing joke glasses, your face covered in green paint as The Hulk or some half-baked get up at a stag/ hen party is not the way. You may think that it shows that you are a fun guy or girl. It may also indicate your immaturity.
7. Your Kids
So you managed to pull off producing a cute kid or two. Well done you. It does not make you any more attractive. Yes, we get it. You are paternal/ maternal. The relationship between you and your potential match starts between the two of you, not the whole brood. And how dare you not consider the safety of your child/ children by slapping their faces all over the internet for any pervert to drool over? Urgh…
Get thee to a niche online dating website for animal lovers, right now, where the weather-bitten face of your sappy mutt appears to be more interesting than your own.
9. Grumpy Pic
Too lazy to crack a smile? Or you just do not smile. Either way, there does not seem to be much promise of fun. It is hardly inviting, is it?
10. You Heart Alcohol!
Why have you posted a photo with you holding a drink in each hand? Are you thirsty? An alcoholic? Worried you won’t get the last drink in before the last orders? Answers on a postcard please.
11. You Are Smoking
So you are such a fag hag that you cannot put down a cigarette for one moment to take a photograph? A smoker or not, one immediately envisions yellow teeth, nails, bad breath etc. The smoking pic only looked sexy in the 1940s (think U.S. television drama Mad Man).
12. Football, Rugby etc Emblems
What is that?
13. Holding A Dead Fish
What do women think about when they see you holding a dead fish in your online dating photos? ‘Why are you showing us that poor dead fish (and I bet your hands smell?)’
14. No headshot.
See point number 1!